Thursday, 13 March 2014

Birthday Blues II - the sequel!!

Picture from
Yesterday was my birthday.  I was 49.  When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror yesterday morning, I looked every one of my 49 years and some!  Worse still, it was my Dad's face I saw looking back at me!!  Don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with my Dad's face - on him!  I just don't want to see it when I look in the mirror!!  I thought to myself, 'If this is what three months of full-time caring does to me, God help me after three years!!'

Mum's care manager had told Mum about my birthday the day before and had given her a note to remind her to buy me a card when we went shopping.  In the event, Mum bought me three cards and insisted on me opening them almost as soon as we got home.  Two of the cards were for 'daughter' and the other was for 'someone special'.  Two of them were blank.  On the third, Mum had attempted to write 'thank you for being with me' and I took some comfort from that, thinking that my friend, Ted, was right in his response to my last post when he assured me that my 'Mom' (he's American!) was still in there somewhere.

By the time we got up yesterday morning, Mum had completely forgotten it was my birthday.  Mark was working away, so it was just the two of us in the house.  Mum's carers came as usual, and then we spent the rest of the day running errands and keeping appointments, finishing up at the doctor's surgery at 5.20pm for Mum to have an ECG, ahead of her starting on a new drug for her Alzheimer's.  She was in a miserable mood all day and complained about everything.  (I'm hoping that some of this is due to a reduction in her dose of anti-depressant medication before she changes to a new one.  If so, then I can expect some improvement in her mood - fingers crossed!)  No mention was made of it being my birthday.

At home in the evening, after cooking dinner and clearing away, Mum was sleeping in the chair and I was waiting for Mark to come home.  To be honest, I was feeling somewhat sorry for myself.  I hate feeling that way - I'm not a self-pitying person!!  I decided I needed to give myself a kick up the behind and remind myself of how lucky I am.  I have the best husband in the world (sorry, ladies, but it's true!!), I have my health, and I received so many wonderful birthday messages from friends around the world and here in the UK.  Reading those greetings took me back to places we've lived - Turkey, France, Russia, Italy, Vietnam - so many happy memories!  And also, to places we've yet to visit - India, Australia, Brazil ....

I have a lot to be thankful for.  If any future posts on this blog get too maudlin, please feel free to remind me of that!!

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